Map of My Story: 3. The hottest things in April

April 4th: OMG I was performing on the huge stage with many audiences there!!

Well, guess what? I was dancing guys. yes, I did!

Having only small numbers of Indonesian students in here, force us to distribute the work equally. It was early April. Me and seven of my friends performed during the Asean day held by the library. Honestly, none of us were a professional dancer. Glad two of my friends danced before. Well, I did too. I mean I was also dancing in the past during the middle school and high school for my art subjects. Just it. And I do remember how I failed performing traditional dance (a Javanese traditional dance) because I couldn’t follow the tempo. The music went so slow which I couldn’t enjoy hahahaha. Previously, in 2018 I also performed for the International Night. At that time, I was just arrived (maybe less than a month). But since not many Indonesian students were available, I scarified volunteered myself to be involved in the team.I don’t know the name of the dance. My friends Dea and Mba Rara created the choreography. It was traditional one, but the tempo was faster than most of Javanese traditional dance which was okay for me. 

The stage was smaller than what we predict. Glad there still some spaces available.

Muka-muka lega udah tampil. latihan cuma 5x hahaha

Sawatdee ka

This time, since we didn’t have time and importantly experience in making the choreography, we just copy the dance from Indonesia Menari 2018. Even though all we did just copy it, the choreography was really tough (you can find the original choreography in the internet). Within a month, almost every day we were intensively practicing in the evening for about 2 to 3 hours after a long campus life. specially because I told you once again, none of us were professional dancer, most of us were familiar with the lab, but not the stage. 

Mencoba foto dengan gaya andalan Asti yang kekinian banget
Letf to right: Astri, Padri, me, Waheni, Salma, Oim

Barefaced, keringetan, tapi latihan selalu bikin happy karena Oim mesti bikin ngakak pas latihan

In the very first week of practicing, my body was aching like a hell. Since the choreography mainly focusing in a dynamic movement of the upper and lower body, I would say, all my body specially my torsos were stiffing and aching. I’m glad my friends were really supportive even though all of us mostly having a rough day in the class, but in the practice room, we were laughing. All the pain paid off. The audience were clapping and amazed by our performance. You can see it down bellow:

Jadi kerja sampinganku disini selain kuliah juga jadi freelancer dancer. hahaha Gak ding. Sebenernya aku tipe orang yang lebih suka kerja dibelakang layar. Tapi ternyata perform di panggung gak seburuk itu. It was so good to take this chance.

Mba Wulan sama mba Al cuma ikut latihan kurang dari seminggu karena mereka pulang sebelumya

Well done guys! I love you 30.000 baht

April 7th: BTS concert

Hang on guys, this story might be really long. but this really worth to read. Enjoy!

I really had never thought before I would attend BTS concert!! I mean, I always been ready to go to the concert at any time specially BTS. Bisa dibilang, aku suka BTS sejak jaman mereka masih pake eyeliner tebel, I guess it was since early 2014. Hahaha. Yang aku suka dari mereka karena message dari lagu lagunya yang keren keren banget. Lagu N.O dan tomorrow rasanya itu macem, I can relate gitu lah, pada masanya ketika aku capek sama kuliah. And most of their masterpieces are incredibly amazing. You know, BTS has been gaining attention since like few years ago (I guess two or three years) sekian lama setelah mereka debut, they’ve got the recognition they deserve. Because since like a long time ago in 2015 I said, they really deserve more recognition. Lagu lagu mereka yang gak peduli trend, lebih tentang cerita ups and downs masa masa muda, maybe I should talk about this in the other time, because it’s worth to talk to.

Ngomongin awalnya gimana bisa jadi nonton itu amazing and funny at the same time. The story begins with a message came from my undergrad uni friend. At around February I guess, my friend Billy told me she’s going to Bangkok in April because she’s going to attend BTS concert. Kebetulan sebulan sebelumnya, tepatnya bulan Maret, tantenya Billy baru pindah ke Bangkok karena kerjaan. Jadi dia berencana nonton sama tante dan keponakannya Shafwa dan Rhaina, was it coincidence? Maybe. They’ve got the tickets, and I didn’t because I really have no plan. Awalnya aku bakalan nginep di Kawasan muslim di Rachatewi, tapi berhubung aku gak tau dimana billy tinggal, dari pada ternyata jauh dan bolak balik aku setelah mendapat lampu hijau, akhirnya nginep di apartment tantenya Billy ini. Then, we planned to meet up and hangout in some hottest place in Bangkok. I was so excited though I didn’t have BTS ticket but meet a friend in an unknown place always makes me excited!!

My plan was, when Billy and her nephews attended the concert, I would go to the nearby coffee shop and finishing my presentation for next week. Iya presentasi lagi. Jadi sebenernya waktu itu akupun lagi padet padetnya jadwal kuliah. Untungnya itu long weeked (Hari senin libur), jadi aku masih bisa ketemu walaupun tetep harus bawa kerjaan. Therefore, instead of brought a proper concert outfit, I brought the regular super comfy clothes (and since it was April, the temperature in Thailand could increase up to higher than 40°C). Additionally, I brought my works and PC of course.

On Friday evening, I went to Bangkok by bus after taking care of my cells in the lab. You know what? A night before I was performed on stage for the Asian day and my body still super tired. Still, promise is a promise. I told Billy I might be little bit late arrived in Bangkok because in the morning I need to go to the lab. The bus departed at around 5 pm, and I arrived in Bangkok at 11 pm (macet parah karena long weekend). Sekitar sejam sebelum sampai Bangkok tiba tiba billy nawarin tiket tantenya yang tiba-tiba mager nonton karena sebenernya gak tau BTS. Jadi tantenya ini ikutan beli tiket karena mau nemenin dua anaknya ini (Shafwa masih SMP dan Rhaina masih SD). Karena billy tau aku suka BTS, ditawarin lah itu tiket for THB 2000. Aku yang kebetulan baru payday ya mau lah THB2000 juga sih (Actually I thought it would be THB 4000, and I guess it’s still okay). I almost screaming in the bus. Bukan cuma karena seneng dapet tiket, iya sih seneng, tapi lebih ke kayak, woi itu dapetin tiket konser BTS itu lebih susah dari pada beli tiket kereta mudik. Rebutan gila! but I was effortlessly got the ticket like less than 48h before the concert. Ngakak banget pokoknya aku gak tau sampe berapa banyak emoji yang bentuknya ketawa sampe nangis berapa banyak itu sangkin kagetnya (Emoji ini 😂😂😂).

Ini bentuk tiketmya. macem kartu gitu sih. bagus bis abuat pembatas buku setelah ini. wkwkwkw

Sampailah aku di apartment tantenya Billy. Ternyata gak jauh dari KBRI, dan aku sering lewat kalo pas ke Bangkok. Begitu masuk apart, billy langsung maksa aku makan katanya kasian anak kecil travelling sendirian sampe semalem itu. Padahal itu baru antar kota, aku udah beberapa kali keluar negeri sendirian lo bil. Hahaha. Hal yang menyenangkan adalah, ada tempe lo gaes!!!. Ya Allah, itu kebahagiaan yang sangat sederhana di Indonesia tapi luar biasa nikmat kalo jauh dari kampung halaman. Tempe itu barang langka di Thailand. Di KBRI ada ibu ibu yang jual, kalo mau beli harus pesen dulu, itupun se bungkus yang kalo dibikin mendoan gak sampe 10 biji mendoanpun harganya 25ribu kalo dirupiahin. Sambil makan, sambil cerita what we’ve been doing and mostly talking about how’s life. Selesai makan, aku mandi dan bersih bersih sampe sekitar jam 1 pagi. Begitu balik kamar mereka semua udah tidur. Aku karena harus merelakan waktuku buat ke konser besok minggu malam, akhirnya dari pada tidur aku milih buka laptop dan lanjut larut sama tugasku. Gak lama sih, seengkanya 2 paper udah khatam, dan mendekati jam 4 pagi aku pun mulai tidur.

Besok paginya setelah sarapan dan bersih bersih rumah sambil muterin playlist buat konser besok, billy nyodorin daftar fanchant (FYI fanchant itu semacam yel-yel lagu, jadi tiap lagu ada beberapa baris kata yg diteriakin selama konser. Biar seru sih kayaknya). Well, walaupun aku emang suka BTS but I never really thought about memorizing all the fanchant karena selama ini aku belum ada rencana nonton, selain karena BTS belum ke Indonesia lagi setelah sekitar3 tahunan, akupun masih nomaden, tinggalnya masih pindah-pindah. Ya jodoh gak kemana, ketemunya malah di Thailand, mendadak dan gak diguda. Oh iya, ternyata setlist lagunya ada >20 lagu dong. OMG,kurang dari 48jam aku dikasih daftar fanchantnya yang buanyak banget, then I was just gave up. I don’t care with the fanchant. I just wanna sing along. Hahaha.

Oh iya, tema konser kali ini itu Love Yourself, yang mana ini buat aku pribadi ngena banget. 

Love Yourself

Mereka menyampaikan pesan pesan tentang gimana pentingnya self-love. This make me realize, besides the fact that there so many people around me loving me like my parents, siblings, friends, a love from myself is the most important. And even if no one love me, I deserve a love from myself. No matter how dry my love story is, I’ll just loving myself more and appreciate every single thing happened through my life. I might be disappointed by the fact that I keep singing Dear No One by Tori Kelly. Previously, after so many things happened, felt so unloved, stood still all by myself, witnessing many people found their partner of life while my loyal partner is just my own shadow, it somehow made me started to think how worthless I am. It’s really hard for me to trust someone, because I’ve ever been thrown like a trash when I thought it was the right time to trust someone and opened up myself. Sadly, I ended completely being forgotten, or maybe I had never been there at the first place, hahaha. Perhaps, it all was just played in my head, never been real and never been the same. Well, I guess no one ever really taking it personally like I did. So, this made me realize that there might be something I didn’t have which they, most people, have. Since that moment, I lost all my confidences, extremely had a serious problem with my inferiority complexes, I was always seeing myself form a bad side of me, telling myself that I’m just a piece of an ugly potato who unfortunately physically and emotionally uninteresting and also having problem to socialize with someone. In fact, I’m not that bad making a new friend to be honest, LOL. But when it comes to a romance, I don’t even remember how it feels to have butterflies flying in my stomach. I felt my heart was freezing, so darn cold inside. It was me, a cold person who always pessimistic about herself. Felt unloved and wasn’t loving herself.

You’ve shown me I have reasons I should love myself

I answer with all my breath and all the path I’ve walked along

Yesterday’s me, today’s me, tomorrow’s me...

I’m learning how to love myself

 Without exception, altogether, they are all me...

I’m still looking for myself again

But I don’t want to die anymore

Me, who was sad

Me, who was pained

Me, who will be more beautiful...

[BTS- Answer: Love Myself]

But they made me realize that, I’m more than what I am thinking. There something more than just waiting and desperately wanting someone to love me. The warmth of their emotional lyrics about loving our-selves melted the ice in my heart. I teared up, realizing how I needed to wake up and start to love myself first and continuing my journey passionately, which this journey may stop at any time. At least, I want to do something big and real, something which give good impacts, not only for me but also for people around me. I’ll just do my best, let it flow but I know what I need to do and which direction I need to go.

Ah, I guess this time I need to stop talking about this. TMI and way too serious. Hahaha

Anw, they were awesome on stage. I do really like their energy on stage, radiated through all the stadium. Lagu pertama yang mereka bawakan itu Idol. Rasanya hype banget seru! Aku suka semua performance, apalagi perform solo mereka. Which really portrayed their colours. Jin sama lagu Epiphany, Suga sama lagu Seesaw, Namjoon Love, JHope Just dance, Jimin Serendipity, Taehyung Singularity dan Jungkook Euphoria. Di tengah perform solo Serendipity -nya Jimin mulai hujan lah. Untung aku bawa payung (efek selalu ngecek forecast tiap mau pergi, dan emang it was predicted to be raining in the evening sih). Tp gak mengurangi kualitas performancenya Jimin karena emang, he’s definitely a performer. Gak lama setelah itu perfromnya Namjoon. Hujan datang dan pergi. tapi Namjoon pun masih bawain lagu solonya dia, Love dengan epic. Di akhir penampilan Namjoon dia bilang “it’s raining, but I still love you” eeealaah sa ae Jun. sebenernya aku gak ngerti apa hubungannya hujan sama cinta. Tapi ya suka-suka kau lah ya Jun.  

The venue is so huge. anginya kenceng banget dari atas sini.

Best leader: Kim Namjoon. His charisma is really in another level

Kalo kata Billy, 'we were close yet too far.' It's okay. 
karena esensinya konser is enjoy the performance bukan ketemu face to face.
And it was so legit

This song is talking about a person who felt insecure, has no confidence and hide himself behind a mask. He's in love and wanted his lover to be with him, but he realized he better hide his ruined part of himself behind the mask, because he's not ready for the rejection, he's afraid to be shattered, ultimately he's afraid to be left behind. 

[The truth untold-BTS]

Among all of the performances, my favourite performance was Magic Shop. This song is inspired by the book of the Neurosurgeon, Dr. James R. Doty titled Into the Magic Shop: A Neurosurgeon's True Story of the Life-changing Magic of Mindfulness and Compassion. This talking about how we need to open our heart, forgive our-self for every hard times and misfortunes we have. Our limitations are not the reason to curse and stop. Instead, we need to realize the importance of love and compassion could possibly open our heart through the lessons we have in our life. He’s a neurosurgeon who have been witnessing countless nearly-death experiences. Through it, he finds the meaning of life.

Like a rose when blooming

Like cherry blossoms when being scattered in the wind

Like morning glory when fading

Like that beautiful moment

I always want to be the best

So I was impatient and always restless

Comparing myself with others became my daily life

My greed that was my weapon suffocated me and also became a leash

But looking back on it now, truthfully

I feel like it’s not true that I wanted to be the best

I wanted to become your comfort and move your heart

I want to take away your sadness, and pain

On days I hate being myself, days I want to disappear forever

Let's make a door in your heart

Open the door and this place will await

It's okay to believe, the Magic Shop will comfort you

[BTS- Magic Shop]

Pulangnya dari konser, kita jalan sekitar 2 Km karena jalanan macet parah.  Setelah jalan sejauh itu kita ketemu tukang ojek buat naik BTS (Bukan BTS bangtan ya lagi lagi, tp Sky trainnya Bangkok Namanya BTS 😑😑). oh iya, baru kali ini ngojek di tengah kota berdua lo. Jadi aku sama billy waktu itu satu motor. Karena lumayan susah nyari ojek sangkin banyaknya yg pake. Dan itu kita gak dikasih helm, ngebut pula karena keburu hujan. Pokoknya aku sama billy dijalan banyak banyak istighfar, tapi ngakak juga bapak ojeknya ngelawak. Akhirnya sampe lah di stasiun BTS terdekat. Setelah itu kita lanjut naik BTS ke Rachatewi. Lucunya, itu kita abis nonton konser BTS, bawa merch BTS di dalem BTS (apa si nor). Pulang-pulang kelaparan. Untungnya Tante sama Omnya Billy udah ngebungkusin KFC yang habis dalam hitungan menit karena udah kelaparan dan kedinginan akibat hujan. Oh iya, kita gak berangkat sendirian lo. Om sama tantenya billy nganterin kita sampe stadium dan ditungguin sampe selese konser while mereka berdua ngedate disekitaran stadium (banyak tempat bagus btw). Bahkan merch yang aku punya pun dibeliin omnya Billy (beli kayak kipas gt. Huhu baik banget sumpah Om sama tantenya Billy, while aku sama billy masih mengeman-emankan THB300 buat beli kipas teplek bergambar muka bias) katanya takut di dalem kepanasan. Padahal venuenya outdoor dan kita dapet di level 3 yang tinggi banget anginya kenceng. Hahaha.

It was definitely one of the good days that I had within this year. I was so happy to be there. Thanks Bil for dragging me here. Enjoying my youth in my quarter age. For a moment, I completely forget my homework.


*See you in the next story (Pt. 4)

A newbie masternim (wannabe) starter pack

Sebelum pamitan sama tante dan om. ini yang mau nonton siapa yang semangat fotoin siapa.

Who's you bias? mine is all.I am an OT7! Hahahaha

Btw, ternyata konser ini konser terakhir Love yourself lo.

Untuk menghindari macet, kita naik kapal yang muterin sungai. emang tantenya billy the best deh. mikirin kemungkinan bakalan macet, jadi kita naik perahu ke venue. lanjut jalan kaki sekiataran 1km.
tampilanku udah kayak orang mau mancing gak? pas banget udah dipinggir kali.
Untung bawa topi karena awalnya ngira mau ke pantai, teriknya matahari Thailand bulan April ganas banget. definitely gak recommended kalo emang gak ada perlu.